Soul Nourishment From the Inside-Out

For the most part of my life, I have been at war with my body.  I believed that it was not a safe place for my soul to reside and I harboured a great deal of resentment and anger towards it.  I was born into a generation of women of Slavic origin - women who toiled in the fields and withstood harsh winters - and God crafted our bodies perfectly to tolerate these conditions.  

But I was not always appreciative of this.

As a young, budding teenager, I longed for the slightness of other girls' bodies.  As I grew, I learnt how to control what I consumed as a way of manipulating the Creator's design.  Like with all deception, I was awarded with results - in the short term.

Decades later, this manipulation resulted in a myriad of chronic issues - from severe digestive problems to nutrient deficiencies.  And it was in this state of complete burn out that I hated my body the most.  

God's grace brought me to a soul-deep understanding of the vessel which He crafted just for me; that my body was not against me, it was not punishing me, it was not broken and it was not lacking.  God revealed, over time, that He is for me and therefore, so is His design for me.

This understanding changed everything.

It changed my internal narrative every time I looked in the mirror; 

It changed my perception of what my body 'should' look like

It changed my idea of food - from restriction to nourishment.

But the learning didn't stop there.  There was some intentional work of my own hands that was required to truly and permanently change me.  I had to learn how to deeply nourish my body through what I was allowing in my mouth as well as my ears and eyes.

It was not just about food - it was about every word of condemnation spoken over my body by myself and by others; it was about every unrealistic image that pierced my eyes, it was about deep repentance for my idolatry for physical appearance and it was about deep forgiveness - of others as well as myself.

This has been difficult.  It has required a level of accountability and honesty that has brought me to my knees.  It is an ongoing consecration and a daily cleansing of the lies that I have been cloaked in for decades.

My days, now, start slow.  I fast until late morning.  I nourish my body with nutrient dense foods.  I am intentional about what I eat.  It is not about restriction - it is about choosing food with God.  If His hand is upon it, if He created the seed, plant or creature, then it is to provide sustenance for my body.

I have a long way to go, but I am certainly a lot further down the road than I was even a few months ago.  And on days when it is hard, when the lies find crevices to seep through, I remind myself of Jeremiah 30:17 - 

"I will restore your health and I will heal your wounds, declares the Lord".

Love and Blessings,

Natalie x

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