A Lineage of Grief - Healing Generational Wounds

 

I am a first generation Australian, but the blood of my ancestors pumps through my veins.  Women who withstood harsh conditions within their homes and women who toiled in the open fields have embedded an inner strength within me that has held me through the most challenging seasons of my life. 

As a child and then young adult, I fervently listened to all the stories my grandmother shared about her childhood, the labours of those early days and the trauma that she bravely endured.

My grandmother's father was murdered in cold blood right in front of her eyes at the tender age of five.  A drunken brawl in the open streets of the village that resulted in the horrific death of her father - a gentle man, who loved to sing and loved his daughters.  My grandmother's mother sent her youngest daughter (my grandmother) away, to be raised by an aunty, while the older sister stayed in the family home with my grandmother's mother. 

And here - 

The seed of rejection and abandonment was formed.

My grandmother was a timid child, cautious of the world and those within it.  Life had not shown her love or safety and the shadows of fear hovered around her.  It is of no surprise that she found herself at the fragile age of 16 in the welcoming arms of my grandfather - the village's Casanova.

My grandpa died when I was 12 years old, but every memory I have of his is filled with moments of tenderness in his eyes.  These memories are a credit to my own mother who only allowed us to visit him when he had not been drinking - and on these days, he exuded so much love.

We see so many variants of coping mechanisms in our world today - they have always been there, alcoholism has definitely been one that has stood the test of time.  

Grandpa was left to fend for himself from the age of seven.  He woke one morning to find that his mother had abandoned her children and ran off with a man who was not their father.  

And once again, the seed of rejection and abandonment was formed.

For grandpa, life was about survival and he found his food and shelter in the taverns as a young, impressionable boy, later to be used as a postal messenger during the war.  

But the stronghold of alcoholism never left him and my grandmother and all of her children bore the suffering of this.  

My mother, one of the most resilient and determined women I have ever met, grew up in a home where a warm bed and a peaceful house was an exception, rather than the rule.  As she witnessed the consequences of extreme and violent alcoholism and the poverty that resulted, her innocent heart grew weary and untrusting.  Forced to physically protect my grandmother from the wrath of grandpa, the shadows  lurked around her.

And the seed of fear was formed.

I loved my grandmother dearly.  She only spoke broken English and our conversations were a mixture of both of our inabilities to speak the others' language fluently.  But there are so many nuggets of wisdom that I remember and that I still hold on to today, when my heart grows weary or life becomes heavy.

"Things are always difficult in the beginning - allow time to pass - it may not heal the heart, but it will change your perspective"

This is one of grandma's sayings that have stuck with me throughout the years.  It has many-a-time given me hope  - perhaps not for the pain to be gone, but for my view to shift.

Fear, rejection, abandonment - 

These are generational and they are woundings that only God can heal.

I have a daughter of my own now, and when I look back at our maternal lineage, there are times when fear creeps in.  Those seeds - 

I do not want them to sprout in my daughter's life.

But I know, with every part of me, that the Lord God is my Healer.  

He sent His only Beloved Son,  Jesus - both fully man and fully God to bare the weight of every wound that was every placed upon me - 

And as I declare Him my Lord and Saviour - 

As I Praise His Holy Name and declare that His sacrifice and the empty tomb was enough to break off every generational chain,

I know that those wounds stop with me.

Because God is stripping me of every curse, wound, evil word and intention,

He is Jehovah- Rapha.

And with my consecration, I am postured to send my own children out into this world knowing that they are fully cloaked in the healing and redeeming love of our Lord Jesus Christ.

"Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; Save me and I will be saved.

 For You are my praise."

- Jeremiah 17:14

Love and Blessings,

Natalie x

Upcoming Post: Promises and Persecution - God's Story for Our Lives